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I think I need to call Idaho home to truly feel right here... but the thing is, it doesn't feel like home. I love the people I have here, and I'm not intentionally comparing them to my friends in New York. But I just feel so thrown by how different everything is and how this really is not coming out to be what I wanted it to be. I'm trying so hard to just put my heart into school but everything is starting to snowball. I miss people and I worry that out of sight is out of mind. Hey you, yeah, you! It's been way too long since I have heard from you. And while my life here isn't a success story yet, I'd like it to be. But is it too much to ask to try and keep home intact in case I ever need to go back there? Man, this is so hard. The lines between everything are so blurry right now.
I don't want to be broke anymore. I don't want to feel naive anymore. I want to be a good friend. I want someone to put their arms around me because I am someone that they have been looking for, someone they feel safe with. I want the tension to ease from my shoulders. But more than that, I just want a sign that I'm doing it right. I know I'm not perfect. I know I've been so insufficient in so many areas, including and especially my faith. But I guess I just need some feedback... a little sign that my effort isn't going to be in vain. 'Cause I really am trying.